What to Say to a Roommate About Boundaries

Living with other people is hard. If your roommate is crossing the line regarding noise, guests, or cleaning, here is exactly how to address it before you lose your mind.

The Cleanliness Reminder
Use when: When they aren’t doing their dishes

"Hey, could you please make sure to wash your dishes in the sink before tomorrow? I need space to cook dinner. Thank you!"

The Frequent Guest Issue
Use when: When their partner/friend is practically living there

"Hey, I don't mind when [Guest's Name] comes over, but lately it feels like they are here almost every night. Can we agree to limit overnight guests to [number] nights a week so we both have some quiet time in the apartment?"

The Noise Complaint
Use when: When they are loud late at night

"Hey, I have an early morning tomorrow and I can really hear the TV/music. Do you mind turning it down or using headphones? Really appreciate it."

The Shared Items Boundary
Use when: When they are eating your food or using your stuff

"Hey, I noticed some of my [item/food] is missing. I really need to keep my groceries/stuff separate right now to stay on budget. Please don't use my things without asking first."

Calling a House Meeting
Use when: When multiple things are going wrong

"Hey, I feel like we haven't been on the same page lately with apartment stuff. Can we sit down for 10 minutes this weekend to chat about chores and expectations so we are both comfortable here?"

What NOT to Say

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it passive-aggressive to text my roommate if they are in the next room?

For a quick, immediate issue like "can you turn the TV down," a text is fine and often preferred. But for larger behavioral issues (like having guests over too much), an in-person conversation is much better to avoid misinterpreting tone.

What if they get defensive?

Stick to "I" statements. Don't say "You are always messy." Say "I feel stressed when the kitchen is full of dishes because I can't cook." If they argue, calmly repeat your boundary.

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